Description

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The original wedding planner for gay and lesbian couples—as fun and inspiring as ever in an updated third edition!

Wedding planning is never easy—but for gay and lesbian couples, it presents unique challenges. On top of watching the budget and wrangling your family, you may be wondering: How should we word the invitations? Who can perform the ceremony? What should we say to those who ask, “...why?”



This trusty guide—first published when legal same-sex marriage was just a dream—tackles all that and more. Tess Ayers and Paul Brown explain how to get the planning out of the way so you can enjoy your special day! Here are tips on finding the perfect venue, vows, outfits, cake, kit, and caboodle, as well as:



• Creative workarounds (Have you considered a home wedding?)
• Budget-friendly shortcuts (Supplement the tiered cake with a sheet cake.)
• The latest trends (How to buck the traditions that don’t work for you.)
• And sage wisdom, with a wink! (Rule #1: If you invite them, they may come!)


If you’d rather stay crazy about each other than go crazy, The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings is for you!

About the Author

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Tess Ayers has worked in advertising and graphic design, written for game shows, and was a producer on a number of television talk shows. When she and her partner Jane Anderson decided to have a wedding ceremony in 1992, they were unable to find a proper guide for gays and lesbians, and this book was conceived and born two years later. In the years since then Tess has been busy raising their son, now 17, and works on the boards of several not-for-profit organizations. Tess, Jane and Raphael happily divide their time between Los Angeles and Marin County.
Paul Brown worked in theater (where he treasured every moment), a bit in television (not so much), and had a stint in “celebrity journalism” (seemed like a good idea at the time). For more than fifteen years he taught Special Education in Los Angeles. He met Tess Ayers several months before her wedding over three decades ago (then called a “commitment ceremony”). When the honeymoon was over, they collaborated on the first version of The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings. Paul was never married himself, but he knew how to plan a wedding. He died in 2021.

Praise For…

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Now in its third edition, this guide offers 22 chapters of witty, wise, and practical advice, covering everything from domestic partnerships and the concept of marriage to how to cope (e.g., being gay in a straight world). . . . This indispensable book also contains illustrations, inspiring photographs, and an extensive list of web resources.
— Library Journal

A beautifully conceived and illustrated book that tackles every aspect of the wedding ceremony with humor and pride. . . . Tongue-in-cheek hyperbole is the hallmark of this thorough and witty guide, and traditional couples as well as gays will find its lighthearted yet seriously knowledgeable tone refreshing. . . . this book [is] as much a statement about gay life as it is a nontraditional wedding planner.
— Patricia Holt, San Francisco Chronicle

[The book offers] hints on how to deal with family members (an obstacle at many weddings but sometimes more so in same-sex weddings) with humor, and shared experiences that will help any couple put their wedding into perspective.
— Tony Bravo, San Francisco Chronicle

[The authors] answer with eloquence and wit the arguments that many gay activists have marshaled in opposition to gay and lesbians codifying their relationships in the same ways that straights do. . . . even the book’s most serious advice is generously larded with humor. . . . [Ayers and Brown] have left out none of the trappings.
— Charles Isherwood, The Advocate

A chatty, humorous compendium of traditions, advice, and wedding details geared for same-sex couples.
— Publishers Weekly

All you need is love—and this book—to have a great wedding.
— Melissa Etheridge, musician and LGBT activist

Everything you need to consider to plan the event of a lifetime—except the man or woman of your dreams.
— Eric Marcus, author of Making History and Is It a Choice?

Even the straight and single will get a kick out of this book! I found myself having lesbian-marriage envy!
— Kathy Najimy, actor and writer